Teaching kids to motivate themselves
BY JANE SISOIAN
Ever listen to the conversations children have with themselves?
Kids seem to be constantly down on themselves. "This is hard," or "I can't do it" - as a teacher, I hear that everyday.
And I'm noticing many kids who are looking for the easy way out or just want to give up when things get a little tough.
If you don't show your kids another way, they will carry those habits into adulthood.
Here are some simple things you can do to motivate your children to go after what they want and to
change that negative attitude.
1. Point out their small successes. Use something like cleaning their room as a lesson to show how
it feels to achieve a goal. Encourage them when that room gets clean by saying something such as
"You cleaned and organized for the last two hours, and now look at this amazing room. Wow! You
really know how to get the job done." With this choice of words you are connecting the action steps
with the final outcome.
2. When your child is working toward a goal, and they come across an obstacle, show them how they
have a choice whether to push through or give up. We all do that when our kids learn to ride their
bikes. Even when they fall, we get them back up and push them to keep trying. They have such a
feeling of accomplishment when they finally ride that bike without falling. Tell them that there
will always be blocks in whatever they are doing and that the true winners are those who keep going,
even when things get tough.
3. Teach your children the phrase "There are no mistakes, only learning experiences." The
perfectionist children need to constantly have the message reinforced that mistakes are only
learning experiences in disguise.
4. Help your child change their negative self-talk. I recently had a student come crying to me,
"I just can't remember my flash card. I just can't!" My response was, "Now, how is that thought
going to help you? What would be a better thought that can help you remember them?" She came up
with a positive affirmation to say and left smiling. Sure enough, she had her flash cards the next
day.
5. You are your child's greatest model. Show them by example. Allow them to hear you speaking
positively and allow them to see you learn from your "mistakes."
Self-motivation for some children comes naturally. For the others, it's even more important that we
be careful with the messages we send when they fail to reach a goal. Use those opportunities to
teach and encourage them, and you WILL notice a shift in how they approach things in the future.
Jane Sisoian is a third-grade teacher at Del Prado Elementary School in Boca Raton. She has 16 years
of teaching experience, certified in early childhood, elementary and gifted education. Jane is the
owner of Positive Solutions for Children and Families and a member of RCB of South Florida. She
gives courses to children to help them reach their full potential and is also a certified parent
instructor of the Redirecting Children's Behavior course. Jane can be reached at 561-542-1700 or
online at www.positivesolutionsinfo.com.
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