3-Minute Guru

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Keeping kids safe on holiday visits

BY SALLY BERENZWEIG AND CHERIE BENJOSEPH

Along with the togetherness of the holidays comes some increased stress and worry - especially if you are traveling with children and/or hosting family and friends from out of town. Alleviate some pitfalls by sitting down with your family beforehand and implementing a few guidelines.

Use the buddy system when out and about.  Children are more vulnerable when they are alone. You may already practice this, but have a direct conversation about what it means, using concrete examples.

Communication between the adults should be very clear as to who is minding what child and when.

Public restrooms: Set the guidelines before a trip that children of all ages will use the public restrooms only accompanied by an adult. This, of course, applies to young children - but it also can apply to your 13-year-old son entering the ladies' room with you, or a dad traveling alone with his daughter. Have these conversations before the trip so your children understand the expectations.

Getting lost: At your planning meeting with your family, introduce the concept of "check first." Say to your children, "We are going to be visiting with family, going sightseeing, etc., and I don't want to lose any of you. You might see something that catches your eye while we are walking in the city, for example. Do not stop to look, and do not go in a different direction without checking first. That means you walk right up to me (or other designated adult) and tell us what you want to do. We will then say yes or no. This will help us avoid getting separated. Also, when we are at the hotel (for example) and you want to go visit your cousins in their room, etc., you don't go anywhere without checking first with us."

Tell the kids that if they do get lost, the safest person to seek help from is another mom with children. Explain to the kids step by step what they should do: "If you can't find us, walk up to a mom with kids and say, 'I am lost. Can you please help me?' " Make sure your children know all of the appropriate cellphone numbers. For young children, and children with special needs, place a laminated ID card with their information on it, as well as two cellphone numbers where you can be reached, and stick it in the bottom of their shoe.

Relatives that make you or your child uncomfortable: Some parents have said they have a concern about their child's safety around a certain adult. They can't quite identify it, nothing concrete has occurred, but the person makes them uncomfortable, and they don't want their children alone with him or her. How do you handle this without insulting the relative but still being true to your intuition?

First and foremost, always pay attention to your intuition. You are the first line of defense in the safety of your child. Beforehand, set some guidelines:

•             Have your children check first with you before they go anywhere with an adult.

•             Some parents have expressed that they don't feel comfortable with their young child sitting on a certain relative's lap. So set a general guideline that when we sit with our relatives, we sit next to them instead of on their laps.
  

•             What if your child does not want to hug or kiss a relative or friend? Don't force your child to do it. When we force children to hug/kiss or touch an adult that they don't want to we are sending them a message that the wants and needs of the adult are more important than your child's.  Empower your children that their bodies belong to them, and although they should be polite, they do not have to hug/kiss/touch anyone.
  

•             Tell the kids, no playing in a room with closed doors, and no playing in the parents' bedroom.