Why young kids shouldn't be on Facebook
BY CHERIE BENJOSEPH AND SALLY BERENZWEIG
One of the many reasons kids under 13 should not be using Facebook:
Your fifth-grader arrives home from school and tells you that John (the boy who picks on her) took a picture of her with his phone and said he is going to take her clothes off in the picture then post it on Facebook.
You are horrified. This creep is tormenting your daughter (and you're thinking, 'Is he really capable of doing that?'). You keep a poker face so the dialogue with your daughter can continue. Your daughter asks you if he is really able to do that. In the moment - you aren't really even sure - but the real issues at hand are > the threat and the potential fallout from this type of cyberbullying behavior. With a little googling you discover that with today's technology the answer is yes, he can change the picture anyway he wants to and do with it what he likes.
Our question is: What is this 11-year-old doing on Facebook?
This is one of the reasons why there is a recommended age for users of Facebook. Children that young are not as capable of seeing and understanding consequences to their actions. These young children are unable to utilize social networking safely and are often unsupervised in the process - opening potentially awful situations for kids like the ones described above - victim and perpetrator.
Your child, (who does not have a Facebook account), says she doesn't want you to take it to the school administration, for fear of increased retaliation from John. (What will happen to this world if we don't stand up to protect ourselves and our loved ones? Unfortunately, this child's reaction is an all too accurate description of why children don't report bullying in the first place).
So how does a parent handle this? How can we protect and teach our children safe practices in this digital age? And the main question we want to tackle today: Why is a fifth-grader, age 11, on Facebook in the first place? How are we as parents feeding into a system that is not safe or in the best interest of our children?
Adult peer pressure
Many parents we have spoken with have said, "I let my 9-year-old on Facebook because I don't want my child being 'left out' socially. All of their friends are on it."
Is having your child keep up socially worth the safety issues that can ensue from being on social networking sites when they are not mature enough to understand the ramifications?
If all of these parents would speak to each other instead of conforming to adult peer pressure, many would discover that other parents are like-minded and do NOT want their kids on Facebook just yet either. Maybe the parents could all agree - let's wait till, say, eighth grade - when they are better able to make safe decisions, use it for what it is intended, and we as parents will have had more time to set proper guide lines with them.
Lying to join
When we allow underage kids onto sites such as Facebook, we are setting them loose online to exposure to real life threats, child predators, inappropriate content and increased vulnerability to being involved in cyberbullying.
Also, by allowing our children to lie about their age to open a Facebook account, what message are we sending? It's OK to lie? Well, about some things it's OK to lie?
According to the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project, 38 percent of 12-year-olds in the United States were using social networks in 2009.
Perhaps it seems benign right now. But the next step just around the corner could be them lying about underage drinking.
'Friending' your child
So back to our story: Where does John, the "bully," fall into this issue? He has a Facebook account, is underage, and is making verbal threats. Do you think his parents know about his account? Should they be notified of his behavior? Should this be parent-to-parent issue, or should the school get involved?
Is your underage child using Facebook? What guidelines, if any, have you set?
We strongly recommend that if you have a child of any age on Facebook, that as part of the privilege and responsibility of using the site, you be "friends" with your child. This gives you a door into what he/she posts, language used by them and others, unfamiliar friends, how much personal info they are sharing and choices they make. Parents need to set guidelines and boundaries to help keep kids safe online.
Local moms Sally Berenzweig and Cherie Benjoseph are the creators of the KidSafe personal safety education program, which is taught in preschools and elementary schools throughout South Florida. Sally and Cherie also offer seminars for parents in schools (read about a recent session in our blog) and corporations and workshops for teachers. Visit their nonprofit foundation's website at www.kidsafefoundation.org, "like" it on Facebook and follow them on Twitter @KidSafeMoms.
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