Parenting in public: What etiquette requires
BY SHERRY THOMAS
How many ways can people find to annoy each other? Judging from my mail at the Palm Beach School of Etiquette and Life Skills, quite a few.
Many annoyances are part of everyday life, but others come our way because some people do not behave themselves or manage their children or pets properly.
This is an area where etiquette and ethics merge.
Toddlers can become overactive in public, and most of us accept that. But when parents in a crowded restaurant or other public venue allow unruly behavior, that can become a prickly area. The parents have the option of taking their child outside to calm him/her down. Other patrons have no such option.
When your child imposes on others, etiquette requires that you resolve the situation. Should other patrons do anything? Aside from perhaps asking the management to act, frustrating though it seems, no. Etiquette does not allow you to correct other peoples' manners.
What about when someone cuts in line at the movies or the grocery? Should you speak to the offender, or let it pass? While rude and aggravating, this is a minor offense. Generally, you should ignore it. If you choose to speak, you may politely say something like, "Excuse me, but I believe I was next."
What do you do if you see a parent go overboard in disciplining a child in public? If it is a matter of different disciplinary styles, nothing. If it constitutes child abuse, etiquette and perhaps the
law, require you to act. You could ask the parent applying the punishment to stop, and/or you may call a manager or the police to report the abuse.
(A recent ABC News report staged a mom kicking her kids out of the car and telling them to walk home - to see what bystanders would do. Interestingly, people intervened when the mom was in a shabby car, but not so much when they put the pretend mom in a nicer one.)
When people do not conduct themselves properly, three simple rules determine whether you may speak up:
Many etiquette breaches, ranging from how people handle their pets to how they drive, also raise ethical questions. When there is danger from the etiquette violation, you are required to act.
Otherwise, you must remember that no one has charged you with correcting the manners of those around you. (That is my job. Smile.)
To the contrary, you usually violate etiquette by doing so.
(You may, however, mutter about them under your breath.)
Sherry Thomas is president of The Palm Beach School of Etiquette and Life Skills. Visit the school's website and follow her on Twitter @EtiquetteQueen.
