Now playing in Boca Raton and Delray Beach: Bully, the controversial documentary.
Every parent of should see this – and more importantly, every middle- and high-schooler.
It will make you sad. It will make you angry. And maybe that’s the first step toward ending this problem.
The film follows five kids from towns around the country who are systematically tortured by their schoolmates: A gay girl bullied into quitting the basketball team. A boy hit and stabbed with pencils nearly every day on the school bus. A girl who gets so fed up, she brings a gun onto the school bus. Two other boys who end up committing suicide.
In some cases, the parents had no idea of the severity of the abuse their kids were suffering. In other cases, parents went to school administration, or even the police, and got no relief.
The most infuriating part of the film – beyond the cold-hearted, animal behavior of the bullies – is the school administrator in Sioux City, Iowa, who is so inept that people in the theater wanted to punch her in the face. The fact that she didn’t even pretend to take the parents’ complaints seriously – even on camera – just underscores how clueless she is.
(A blog has sprung up to monitor her continued employment – see kimlockwood.wordpress.com.)
Now that the film has a PG-13 rating, schools should be able to show it. Because the kids who really need to see it are the ones whose parents aren’t likely to take them.
This is a profound opportunity to talk to your kids about how to treat other people – and to extend compassion and friendship to their classmates who may be struggling. Tell them to stand up for the new kids, the different kids, the ones who are picked on and who don’t seem to have any friends. One kind word, one show of support can make a big difference.
Jackie Libby, mom of Alex, the boy abused on the bus, told U.S. News that every day since the film premiered, people have told Alex he is inspiring. He even received a few prom date requests. Those kind words go a long way, Libby said.
“It works the same way both ways. You can build them up or drag them down, but words are very powerful,” she said. (Read the whole report and watch a Bully trailer here.)
And tell your kids to report the bullying they see. Our local middle schools all have bullying hotlines and drop boxes on campus where kids can make anonymous reports. Make copies of the ones your kids submit. Don’t let administrators use “we didn’t know” or “no one reported it” as an excuse to tolerate this behavior. As parents, we need to follow up and make sure action is taken.
The makers of Bully are trying to change the culture. To get kids to stand up for tolerance. To make it cool to be kind. Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
READ MORE
Parents of a student at Don Estridge High-Tech Middle School sue over bullying
At The Bully Project website, kids can tell their stories sand get ideas for how to make a difference at their school
At Boca Raton’s Promise, find resources for dealing with mental health issues in young people.
In 3-Minute Guru:
What to do when your child is bullied
Protect kids from bullying – listen to them
Bully is showing at Cinemark in Boca Raton and Regal in Delray Beach. Check showtimes.
Read a review of the film at MomsMiami.
- CHARLENE PACENTI
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Karen Perry tells the story of losing her son to a drug overdose while he was away at college. It is a gut-wrenching thing to hear, her anguish in sharing that it all began with him smoking marijuana when he was about 15. That she and her son’s father got him into treatment, transferred him to another college, and still … a middle-of-the-night visit from the police brought the awful news.
Perry told her story to a recent gathering of parents at Spanish River High School. She is a co-founder of the nonprofit NOPE (Narcotics Overdose Prevention & Education) Task Force, which visits schools and parent groups all over Palm Beach County. Your middle- or high-school student may have seen the NOPE program in recent weeks.
As an educated parent, you may think you’ve heard it all before. But a couple of the task force’s messages were startling:
This has become the leading cause of non-natural death in Palm Beach County, with someone dying of an overdose every 28 hours.
What’s new about that? Eighty-five percent of them had more than one drug in their system. And that is a real danger for kids, who are experimenting with prescription drugs stolen from their parents – or bought from their peers.
Gary Martin, an associate dean at Lynn University and a former drug agent and homicide detective with the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office, said, “The kids think they’re invincible. They think they know about drugs and what they can handle. But no one knows what will happen when they mix them,” Martin said, adding that it’s not an issue of trust, but a matter of “risk ignorance.”
Many instances can be traced back to the home, which is the main source of drugs and alcohol used by kids age 12-14. (Solution: Keep track of how much you have and lock it up; throw out what you don’t need).
In 2006, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse reported that a third of teens have attended parties where parents were present and alcohol was served to minors. (Remember October 2010 when two Boca Raton parties involving high-schoolers got out of control? Parents were arrested in both cases.)
It is against the law to serve alcohol to minors in your home – and opens you up to civil liability if anything goes wrong.
“You have to be the parent. You have to take control. You have to know what your kids are doing all the time,” said PBSO Capt. Jeffery Lindskoog.
The middle school years are prime for experimentation. The average age of the first use of alcohol or drugs is 13 in Palm Beach County. It used to be 11.
What to do
If you find drugs or alcohol in child’s belongings, Martin advises:
How to talk to your kids about drugs
Lynn Guelzow from The Hanley Center, a treatment facility in West Palm Beach, gave some guidance:
Guelzow said it’s also important to tell other parents when you know their child is using drugs or alcohol. They may not speak to you any more, but it’s the right thing to do.
Perry later learned that her son had a prior non-fatal overdose earlier and several people knew about it. No one told her.
To Learn More
For more information or to get help, visit NOPE’s website www.nopetaskforce.org, call 561-478-1055 or visit NOPE’s Facebook page.
If you know a youth 12 or older who could use a friend right now, get him or her to the Sugar Sand Park Community Center on Nov. 12.
Boca’s Friends group will have its monthly gathering to help kids who may be having problems at home, or getting bullied at school, or struggling with ADHD or bipolar disorder, or experiencing other stressful situations.
They are encouraged to talk about their problems with other kids and get professional support in an informal, social setting. They learn to feel comfortable about who they are, and accept each other as friends, said Rita Thrasher, executive director of Boca Raton’s Promise.
Parents are welcome, too.
Five schools had after-school Friends programs, but the funding was cut.
IF YOU GO
The meeting is 1:30-3:30 p.m. Nov. 12 in the Maple Room at the Sugar Sand Park Community Center, 300 S. Military Tr. It is free, and pizza will be served. For more information, call 561-866-1850. Read more about Boca Raton’s Promise at www.bocaratonspromise.org.
Boca kids and their families are raising money to help a boy who was badly burned last month.
Peter O’Gorman, 13, is in the intensive care unit at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami with severe burns to his chest, arms and legs.
His grandfather, Daniel O’Gorman, said Peter is in a lot of pain, having endured three skin-graft operations so far. But his long-term prognosis is good. His face has already started to heal on its own.
Peter was burned accidentally on Sept. 15. It was an early-release day from school, and Peter texted his grandfather that he was going with three other boys to one of their homes. His grandfather told him not to go, he said. But Peter went anyway. No parents were home.
The boys decided to make a “flameless fire” with denatured alcohol. They doused some paper and lit it with a lighter.
Peter caught fire.
One of the other boys called 911 right away. Police ruled it an accident.
Peter has been in Jackson since, with second- and third-degree burns over 50 percent of his body. He is working with a psychologist and a physical therapist and is expected to remain in the hospital for another three or four months.
Seeing him in such pain is difficult for his grandfather.
“He’s one of the kindest kids you’d ever meet,” Daniel O’Gorman said.
Some of Peter’s medical expenses are covered by Florida KidCare. But his grandfather – who is raising Peter, as well as his brother and sister – had to take time off from his realtor work to be at the hospital most days. And he has the added expenses of commuting to Miami and parking every day.
Daniel O’Gorman is himself recovering from prostate cancer.
“It’s rough. But I know I have to be strong for Peter. That’s what I’m doing right now,” he said.
The community has rallied to offer help and empower Peter’s friends to do their part, too.
Friends and neighbors have brought food to the family and helped care for Peter’s brother and sister, who are 8 and 16.
Students at Don Estridge High-Tech Middle School, where Peter is in the eighth grade, raised more than $1,000, which they plan to use to buy him a laptop.
And now Peter’s teammates and their families from Boca Hoops, where the O’Gorman children play basketball, are organizing a fund-raiser for Oct. 22 at Sugar Sand Park.
From 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., they will be serving refreshments, selling bracelets and holding a silent auction to help ease the financial burden on Peter’s family. On the auction table: The opportunity to ride in the car with five-time Le Mans winner Derek Bell at a local racetrack.
A trust account has been set up for Peter’s care. For information on how to donate, email Daniel O’Gorman at grandparent3@gmail.com.
So, your kid has a broken arm. Maybe. You’re not quite sure. It seems to hurt a lot, but you can’t really tell if it’s swollen.
What do you do? And where do you go for help?
Emergency room? Pediatrician? Orthopedist?
BocaParent checked with a couple of local experts for some guidance.
(Of course, if an arm, leg, or any other bone is obviously broken, get to the nearest emergency room or call 911 for a severe injury.)
In other cases, it can be trickier.
Margaret Neddo, emergency department director at West Boca Medical Center, said children can often sustain more pain than adults, and their bones aren’t as hard as ours. So a bone break may not be as obvious.
The child may be able to move it at first and may not have swelling initially. It might get worse the next day.
It’s always best to get it checked out, said Neddo, a mom of three. “For me, it is about peace of mind.”
West Boca Medical Center has a pediatric emergency department, which sees about 30 kids a day, and has the area’s only pediatric orthopedist, Dr. Kenneth Jeffers.
How a broken bone is treated in the West Boca ER depends on the nature of the break. For a simple case, a child can get X-rayed, get a cast and you can be on your way. For a more serious break, the orthopedist will need to weigh in. Doctors are particularly concerned about breaks near a growth plate in the arm, knee or ankle – and that’s why it’s good to see a pediatric orthopedist, if possible, Neddo said.
If the injury is severe or requires surgery, the child will be admitted to the hospital. If he has a lot of swelling, it may only be splinted in the ER. Then you’ll need to see an orthopedist a day or two later for a cast.
West Boca also has a new call-ahead service for non-life-threatening injuries that allow you to reserve a time to come in and cut out some of the ER wait time.
Boca Raton Regional Hospital in East Boca doesn’t have a pediatric department, but they do treat children in the emergency room. They don’t, however, do casts.
If you go in with a suspected break, they will do the X-ray, splint it and refer you to an orthopedist.
For minor injuries, or if you’re just not sure what to do, you may start with your pediatrician. If he feels an X-ray is in order, he may send you to the ER or, during regular hours, a walk-in X-ray facility. Once a break is confirmed, you still may end up in the ER, or be sent to an orthopedist. If you cannot get in to see Jeffers, you will likely be referred to other practices in Broward.
No one we spoke to could say why there is only one pediatric orthopedist around Boca Raton. The number of bright pink and blue casts spotted around the school grounds this year – and the overflowing waiting rooms at the offices in Broward – indicate a demand for that specialty.
TO LEARN MORE Get some extensive information on broken bones at KidsHealth.org. Share your experiences and recommendations in the comments.
TO LEARN MORE
Get some extensive information on broken bones at KidsHealth.org.
Share your experiences and recommendations in the comments.
