3-Minute Guru
Monday, Sept. 26, 2011
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Teaching respect starts with showing respect
BY SHERRY THOMAS
How many times do we find ourselves holding the door for someone only to have them look at us as though we were supposed to do that? No thanks, no nod, not even a smile of gratitude.
If parents aren't thanking the waiter each time he serves them, can we expect our children to do so? If a guardian isn't making a call to thank the party host, will your child do this one day? If Dad isn't addressing his father's friend as "Mr.," will your child know to do that?
Parents, have you learned the secret to manners' success - the one word all of us parenting gurus share - repetition? Do the kids get it? (There is nothing wrong with rewarding the kids who do. As a matter of fact, I highly suggest it.)
One of life's great lessons is that of respect - respect for parents, elders, teachers, property, peers, co-workers. Respect encompasses so much. It's a big word, that "R" word - a wonderful word - a word that brings about only good.
Let?s start with the most rudimentary of respect, etiquette, and life skills. Pleases, Thank Yous and Titles. I call them the PTTs.
Basic respectful manners to teach your kids
1. Pleases and Thank Yous. Reinforce the pleases and thank yous perpetually, to the point where you are simply tired of hearing your own voice, until you feel your one last branch of sanity is about to break. Teach kids that for every kind gesture, say thank you. Teach them that for every request, use please.
2. Titles of Respect. In the United States, this is a prickly topic. But here goes: Adults are not a child's buddies. They are elders and deserve respect. If we are all on the same playing field, what message are we sending? If an adult is a relative, then use the appropriate title such as Aunt or Uncle. Otherwise ...
Teach kids to address adults as Mr. or Mrs., Ms., Miss and their last name; or Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss with their first name. We are one of the few countries that has lost sight of paying homage to our adult population. Calling someone "Mrs." doesn't mean that an adult is old and decrepit. Accept it for what it is - respect. If kids address adults in other countries by their first names, the kids (and their families) are perceived as being a dishonorable lot. Being respectful toward adults is noticeable and will make your child stand out
from the others.
3. Thank You Notes are not reserved for adults. For the little ones, the adult may assist with writing the notes but have the child sign them. As the child ages, gradually teach him how to write five notes one day and mail them, another five the next day and so on.
Teach your child, at an early age, that if someone is kind enough to choose a gift and a card that the child, the receiver, must be kind enough to acknowledge that person with a thanks.
It takes so little effort to be polite and a lifetime to correct bad behavior that has become rote.
Start early. Society will thank you later.
Sherry Thomas is president of The Palm Beach School of Etiquette and Life Skills
and a professor of etiquette and life skills at the Lifestyles College
of Development in Delray Beach. She is also an image coach and
consultant for celebrities and professional athletes. Follow her on Twitter @EtiquetteQueen.
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