3-Minute Guru
Wednesday, Oct. 12, 2011
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Social skills at home build success at schoolBY KAREN DEERWESTER
Social-emotional skills help preschoolers successfully manage the school day.
Preschoolers need the assertiveness to speak to teachers and classmates, the independence to open their own lunchbox, the patience to wait for 30 seconds while another child finishes his turn, and the confidence to discover new opportunities to learn and play.
Developmentally appropriate early childhood programs meet children "where they are." But school also encourages a broad set of social-emotional skills in young children teaching them how to be part of a group.
You can help your child practice important social-emotional skills at home that lead to greater success at school. Here are a few favorite suggestions:
Build social confidence.
Give your child practice in a variety of social settings with you shadowing instead of always leading. Create opportunities for your child to interact with store clerks, bring cookies to a neighbor, or take the mail from the mail carrier.
Harness your child’s strengths and interests. Send him into the classroom eager to share who he is and what he can do. Build a repertoire of "social currency": smiles and favorite songs, familiar books and stories about favorite toys, and wearing his favorite clothes.
Stay confident when your child expresses separation challenges. Change is hard at all ages but especially for little ones. Let your child know that it’s OK to be sad, confused, or uncertain about new routines while continuing to focus on the fun, kindness and excitement of a new school adventure. An ambiguous parent undermines a child’s ability to connect with new teachers, new classmates and new routines.
Practice simple social skills.
Model and practice social greetings and goodbyes. Take time to introduce your child to new people and include your child in polite greetings. Social etiquette is empowering to young children as they give and receive positive attention. It is also essential in making friends.
Use "please" and "thank you" to create a helping household. Notice all the ways your child helps at home: carrying groceries, taking clothes to the laundry, or filling the dog bowl. Kind words are shared social currency. They also set a foundation of helpfulness that goes a long way to bring children together in group settings.
Practice following directions and accepting limits at home. Listening games like Simon Says or Copy Cat are fun while helping children pay attention to words. Silly games help children feel successful and proud. Children also need to understand limits like "no," "another time," and to transition from one activity to another to be successful with school rules and routines.
Show children how to speak up. Help your child verbalize his "needs": from asking for a drink of water to asking for help on the playground. Explain that teachers and staff are there to listen and to help. You can even practice at home through role-playing games.
Share time and space with others.
Practice "waiting" for short intervals (10-30 seconds to start). Acknowledge your child’s requests but don’t drop everything immediately to do as your child says, unless it’s a matter of safety.
Help your child to be aware of other people’s space. For example, walking around others instead of through and over them, waiting for someone else who might be in the way, or not grabbing objects out of other people’s hands.
Monitor physical conflict to avoid hitting, pushing, shoving and biting. Intervene before problem solving becomes physical: model appropriate language and problem solving with phrases like "excuse me", "I’m playing with that now" or "can I have a turn?"
Look for opportunities to notice shared experiences with groups of people: birthday parties, in restaurants, movie theaters, places of worship. You’re teaching an awareness of other people’s point-of-view and building a foundation for kindness and compassion.
Reinforce these simple social-emotional skills at home and your child will be better prepared to master any social-emotional situation away from home. All learning increases when your child has the confidence and self-control to thrive in new and different settings.
Karen Deerwester is the author of "The Entitlement-Free Child" and "The Potty Training Answer Book"
and the owner of Family Time Coaching and Consulting. She offers
one-on-one parent coaching, as well as classes and seminars. She is
also Mommy & Me director at B'Nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton,
where she works with mothers, infants and toddlers through age 2. Get
more information about B'Nai Torah's early childhood education program here. Visit the Family Time website and follow Karen on Twitter @FamilyTimeInc.
• The parent coach is in: Meet Karen Deerwester and get some one-on-one parenting advice on Oct. 21 at Boca Raton's Meet Me on the Promenade event. Karen will be at the BocaParent booth at Sanborn Square from 6 to 8 p.m. Drop by and share your challenges!
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