3-Minute Guru

Ask the 'embarrassing' questions - to protect kids

BY SALLY BERENZWEIG and CHERIE BENJOSEPH

"I'm embarrassed to ask that ... what will they think of me?"

This is what many parents tell us when we discuss the importance of asking "safety questions" to another
parent/friend before sending their kids to a play date or sleepover, or off to sports practice.

With all of the stories in the media lately about seemingly "trusted adults" in children's lives who have
broken that trust and abused children, it is important to ask yourself as a parent: "Is my discomfort with asking safety questions more important than my child's safety?" "Is the chance of 'offending' someone by asking these questions more important than my child's safety?"

Perhaps a year ago, you might not have even thought to ask – but now that you have woken up to the epidemic of child abuse happening every day, now that you know that 90 percent of the time a child is harmed by someone they know, you can’t just say that would never happen to my child ... because it can and it does.
 
We want your children to be safe. We want you as parents to feel that you have done everything in your power to keep your child safe. We want you to feel confident that you have taught your children what they need to know, so when they are not with you they will make the safest and smartest choices - and if anything "unsafe" does happen, that they will report it to you immediately.

Here are some the important questions/discussions to ask the many other people you entrust with your child:

Play date/sleepover:

•     Who will be watching the children?
•     Do you have older children, and will they or their friends be present?
•     Do you have a gun in your house?
•     What safety rules do you have in your house?
•     Will you be staying at your house? What is the plan?
•     Is the TV and Internet use monitored?
•     What are the sleeping arrangements?

•     Your body is special and belongs to you
•     You are in charge of your body, and nobody should touch you in any way that makes you feel confused, weird, uncomfortable, or on your private parts
•     You should not touch or look at anyone’s private parts
•     When visiting a friend’s house, clothes must always stay on
•     No one should take pictures of your private parts or show you pictures of naked people
•     No playing in the master bedroom
•     No one should ever ask you to keep a secret from us – or keep a secret that you are NEVER allowed to tell
•     Let your children know that you will always believe them and praise them when they report unsafe situations to you
•     Model and role play situations so your child will know what to do and how to respond
•     Discuss your safety rules and that they should be followed when you are at another’s house
•     Have a code word your child can say to you over the phone so if your child wants to leave; they don’t have to be embarrassed.