3-Minute Guru

 Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2011

Manners are manners, and there should be no payment for good manners. It's just something that kids should be taught and something they should be doing.  I didn’t get paid to have good manners.  It was just expected!

While there is merit to that statement, I see nothing wrong with sweetening the pot a bit with "enticements."  I did it with my children.  Along the way, it led to smiles, laughter, discussions, and happy memories - all because of the star card.  And while my children are  not perfect, they are both very polite.
 
Make a little game of the PTTS - Pleases, Thank Yous and Titles of respect - and test your child.  For each verbal thank you, give her a star.  For every "please," another star.  

For each written thank you note, give two stars.

Put them onto a 4-by-6 index card.  Let your child pick the star and put it on his own card.  Proudly post the card in plain view - on the refrigerator for all to see.

Assign a monetary value to each star.  Each star can equate to a nickel or a dime, let’s say.  (Watch as this strange phenomenon starts to unfold.  Your child seems to magnetically meander that way, counting the nickels and adding his stars all throughout the day.)
 
When the amount adds up to $5 or $10, it’s time to cash in.
 
Take your child and the card to the store for a little gift.  Have your child proudly surrender the "star card" to the cashier in exchange for a gift - a gift the child has chosen, a gift that is the same value as the dollar value of the stars.

(I used to run ahead of my kids and prep the cashier, who would in turn make a big deal of the stars and the card.  She would ask questions and comment on the pretty colors of the stars and ask if each color meant something different.  It did.)

It’s a win-win-win.  The kids are polite, beaming with pride over their accomplishments, and ... get a reward.  You, the parent, are happy, also proud, and ready for the kids to debut their manners around holiday time.

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Sherry Thomas is president of The Palm Beach School of Etiquette and Life Skills and a professor of etiquette and life skills at the Lifestyles College of Development in Delray Beach. She is also an image coach and consultant for celebrities and professional athletes. Follow her on Twitter @EtiquetteQueen.