Helping kids learn from mistakes
BY CHERIE BENJOSEPH AND SALLY BERENZWEIG
We all make mistakes. The thing to do is to learn from those mistakes, atone, apologize and then move on. But do you let your child see your imperfections? Do you share how you "feel" about choices and mistakes you have made? Do your children see you working through life's daily challenges?
Children learn not from what we say but from watching what we do. If your children think you don't make mistakes, they may not come to you when they mess up. Because if you are perfect, they think they should be, too.
We need to allow our children to make mistakes and to teach them how to process them and learn from them. Teach the children about consequences. Give them a chance to feel embarrassed or ashamed of their actions - and hopefully to develop their conscience and make a different choice next time.
Take our KidSafe fourth-grade lesson on cyberbullying, for example.
We role-play a true story. The teacher pretends to be at a girl's sleepover party, where she takes
pictures of all the girls. One embarrassing picture of her friend Jill she sends with nasty comments to two boys. They think it is hilarious and send it to everyone they know, then post it on Facebook, and write more embarrassing comments.
The next day at school, everyone is talking about Jill and this picture. Jill is upset when she finds out. (The other girl not even aware of the damage until she arrives at school the next day.)
We then discuss Jill's feelings about what happened: angry, sad, embarrassed, humiliated, nervous,
frustrated, confused. Why would my friend do that?
We ask the class: What was the mistake? What is the rule about sending/posting pictures? They answer:
Think before you post and ask yourself, "What would my parents, principal, police or predator think
about what I am doing?" - whether it is a picture of yourself or someone else.
We ask the class: "What are the consequences?" Their answer: Jill doesn't want to be your friend, the
rest of the girls don't trust you now - if you could do it to Jill, you would do it to them. Teachers and principals might also get involved and you could have consequences at school. What if the parents
find out?
How does the other girl feel about this thoughtless mistake? Kids answer: embarrassed, ashamed, regretful.
We then discuss appropriate ways to apologize, face up to our mistakes, and role play what that looks
like.
One stupid mistake can cause so many consequences. This is a tough pill to swallow for a fourth-
grader - he or she will need to process it with a parent.
We parents have to be present in our children's lives - not to live it for them, but to pick them up when they fall and help them learn.
Local moms Sally Berenzweig and Cherie Benjoseph are the creators of the KidSafe personal safety education program, which is taught in preschools and elementary schools throughout South Florida. Sally and Cherie also offer seminars for parents in schools and corporations and workshops for teachers. Visit their nonprofit foundation's website, "like" it on Facebook and follow them on Twitter @KidSafeMoms.
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