3-Minute Guru
Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2012
|
How to handle the bedtime struggle
BY KAREN DEERWESTER
Bedtime opposition is one of the many "normal" struggles for parents of young children. Children have
tremendous difficulty accepting the end of one day and facing the long, dark night. While parents cannot
"force" a child to sleep, parents can step back from bedtime battlegrounds and lead children to peaceful
nights.
Falling asleep in bed is a major step toward independence - your child is learning to feel safe when she can’t immediately see the people she loves. A child learns from experience that sleep is good for growing a healthy body and mind. It is possible to respond to your child’s needs while still giving her the tools to master the situation. With your support and encouragement, your child learns to accept the end of another fun day and look forward to tomorrow. And exhausted parents earn a well-deserved break and some equally important adult time.
Here are 10 tips on how to handle bedtime opposition:
1.  Plan "together time" earlier in the day, so you’re not feeling guilty at bedtime. Ten minutes of your undivided attention after breakfast or before dinner can do wonders at bedtime.
2. Give your child the facts. Bodies and brains need rest at night to help them grow. Active children try to function on less sleep so they don’t miss any of the fun, but those aren’t good decisions, because you need a good night’s sleep to feel better the next day.
3. Respect your child’s ability to listen to her body, to know whether or not she’s tired. Your job isn’t to force your child to sleep. It’s to create an optimal bedtime routine for everyone in the house. Discuss all the things your child can do in her bed when she’s not tired: read, tell finger stories (acting out the drama with talking, wiggling fingers), talk to the stuffed animal, look at the stars, or go to faraway places in her imagination.
4. Give your child countdowns to bedtime so she can begin to disengage from activities. Children do not have on/off switches. They need time to transition from one activity to another, especially from daytime energy to nighttime energy. Reading, storytelling, and even humming help slow the pace.
5. Make a homemade Goodnight Room Book to incorporate into a personal bedtime routine. Take pictures of your child’s favorite things and people and print into a photo book with personal captions.
6. Keep a predictable sequence to the bedtime routine and a regular bedtime to help set your child’s biological clock. Structure creates a peaceful inner rhythm.
7. Find creative ways to respond to emotional separation issues without compromising essential order. Check on your child frequently, particularly when she’s quiet, until she truly believes she is safe. Add a simple ritual, like blowing three kisses or sprinkling dream dust on her bed. Make a bedtime photo book with pictures of your child getting ready for bed, sleeping through the night, and waking in the morning, to show her that morning always follows night.
8. Tell "check-in stories" in the morning to reassure your child she is not alone while she is sleeping. Make up silly stories and facts about "what you saw" when you checked in on your child through the night. For
example, was she smiling? Sleeping upside down in the bed? Or, talking in her sleep?
9. Expect illness, travel, and daytime challenges to disrupt your child’s routine for short periods of time.
Allow a few days or a few weeks to reestablish the old order.
10. Believe! Celebrate all the small successes and baby steps focusing on the positive instead of
frustrations. Stay patient as your child builds night-time skill and confidence. Believe your child can and
sleep independently. If you don’t really believe in your child’s ability or believe the value of peaceful
nights, your child certainly can’t.
Karen Deerwester is the author of "The Entitlement-Free Child" and "The Potty Training Answer Book"
and the owner of Family Time Coaching and Consulting. She offers
one-on-one parent coaching, as well as classes and seminars. She is
also Mommy & Me director at B'Nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton,
where she works with mothers, infants and toddlers through age 2. Get
more information about B'Nai Torah's early childhood education program here. Visit the Family Time website and follow Karen on Twitter @FamilyTimeInc.
|
