3-Minute Guru

 Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2011

How to handle back-to-school anxiety

BY KAREN DEERWESTER

It's normal for some children to experience anxiety over starting a new school or beginning a new school year.  New experiences present all sorts of unknowns: Will my teacher be nice to me? Will I get lost? Will I be able to find the bathroom? Will I like the other kids?

Parents plan and prepare children as best they can but, on that first week of school, parents often feel

   
• Trust that your child is in good hands.  Schools and teachers are professionals who understand the developmental and emotional needs of children.


•     Ask questions if you don't know something.  You will be better able to respond to your child's concerns if you understand school policy and procedures.

•     Add "listening time" to your daily routine.  In the car, at the dinner table or going for a walk, be present but silent - allowing your child to release and express feelings and concerns. (You don't have to "fix" everything.)

•     Keep routines simple and predictable.  Your child gains emotional security from a predictable routine - an anchor through unsettling changes.

•     Find out the names of classmates and school friends.  Just knowing children's names will make your child feel less alone.  You can also plan some casual playdates.

•     Create personal connections between home and school.  Tell stories, read books, bring a favorite item for show-n-tell, write lunch box notes.  Kids need continuity not compartmentalized experiences.

•     Regression is normal.  Starting something new is often three steps forward, two steps back.  Celebrate the baby steps and allow for a transition time.

•     Accept all your child's emotions.   Difficult emotions like sadness, fear, nervousness, and defensiveness are not easy but they are part of a child's emotional life and they are the only door to maturity.  Help your child face difficult emotions, not avoid them.

•     It's OK to cry!  Watching your child learn new skills is never easy.  Call on your support network to buoy you through this.  That old adage, "This is harder for you than for your child" holds some truth - parents suffer twice when their children are hurting.

•     Stay positive.  All research correlates a positive parent attitude for school success.  You have to believe school is a great and wonderful adventure for your child.